"you are so fail".
IT IS NOW TIME FOR ME TO REVEAL MY TOP 10 HORRIBLE FAILURES IN LIFE.
actually got loads more and probs loads of stupider ones but these are what comes to mind first so what to doo..
omg my blogging style has gone to pot. FAIL. =_=
but that is not in my failure list so nevamind.
FAIL.
1. "run for your life"
i've told people about this in my old blog, but this stuff is legend.
that is the fail-est pickup line of the century.
yes, "run for your life" was intended to be a pickup line. from some cb cb malay some more. wtf right?
i dont want to repeat the story so i stop here.
2. having a crush on ijaz.
waaaay back in form one, ijaz had a crush on me.
i rejected him. flat out.
hahaha now the world knows. poor ijaz's ego crushed redi liao. (DONTHATEME)
anyway. then he didn't like me. and for some crazy blame-my-cb-form-one-indecisive-hormones, i had a crush on ijaz. wtf right?
it was the awkwardest thing ever. seriously. he was shunning me to the max (he didn't even tALK to me goddamn hahaha. at one point, i wanted him to sign my yearbook and he didnt want to so i passed it to nazerene to get it signed for me and he wrote on it "STAY BLACK, DUDE" cos he thought he was writing to naz =_= hahah FAIL) it was QUITE. STUPID.
i even had a code name for him. it was "snail".
...
STOP LAFFING AT ME.
3. my diet.
the first and only time i have ever dietted in my life was this year, and it definitely ranks in my stupendous failures ever.
me: RACHEL I START DIETING TODAY.
rach: aight.
me: -sees amira bringing raya cake things-
-grabs cake things-
-goes to kedai to buy a CREAM FILLED CHOCOLATE BUN-
rach: what kind of diet are you on..
she only warned me AFTER everything was eaten. thank you rachel.
so i was "OKAY ILL START DIET TOMORROW THEN".
next day, failed in the same manner.
so i was determined to start on the day after that.
that was the day rach, azz and i went to spring.
miss you redi, ams-exy :( miss you like i love shiny things :( :(
hm.
first stop was the food court. they were all pigging out while i had... GREEN TEA. UGH GODDAMN I CANNOT STAND GREEN TEA. (oh and at one point we had sugarbun too. yes. diet sugarbun. shaddap)
our sugar bun meal hahah "have yur birthday at sugarbun! you get mashpotato cake with (potato) fries as candles and a (potato) wedge and a BONE !! k my sales pitch probably should be added to this list too =_=
and later that night, we were eating at silohuette and i ordered the sickest disgusting smells-like-piss salad in the world. had to choke it down. and it had SOOO MUCH MAYO. (which i hate, btw)
why? why, god do you hate me?
and later that night, we had drinks anyway, so yes fail. =_=
all my effort defeated cos of booze haha.
on a similar track of Fail, my studying also fails like this. very pro stuff.
sample of fail studying =_=
4. My drawings
nuff said, everyone knows my drawings suck redi.
if you think im exaggerating, ask azz or hui mian. they will def vouch for this.
5. Soso
i was minding my own business eating at saberkas kfc by myself, when suddenly this negro guy came up to me and sat down at my table.
then he started talking to me.
since i have "the sort of attitude that will get me raped" (quote, my mum. hahah), i layan-ed him and just talked lah. his name was soso btw thats why #5 is called soso.
then he grabbed my phone off the table and put in his number.
"okay lah whatever i can delete it later," thought rebekah, thinking she could escape from this with minimum trauma.
then he wanted to leave so he stood up and was like "i will see you around" -extends hand to shake hand-
so i shook hands...
AND HE F$#*&#!&K!NG
FINGERED MY HAND
AAAAAGH IT WAS THE MOST GELI UNEXPECTED VIOLATING THING EVER I SWEAR ITS WORSE THAN EMMAS FOOT OF RAPE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT FEELS SERIOUSLY AND I HAVE FELT SOME WEIRD SH!T IN MY LIFE AND THAT JUST OWNED EVERYTHING.
THAT IS NO WAY TO TRY TO SEDUCE A CHICK.
i go cry and sterilize my hand liao.
6. Chemistry
i go in that class and i dont understand ANYTHING.
not a single word. at all. i just sat for my finals, did paper3 for chem on wednesday, and i understood 0% of the damn paper.
i am not exaggerating.
its even fail-er than my bahasa sarawak.
DIAM.
7. Trying to wax my own leg
so i put the wax strip on my hairy leg (i know, too much information. you fans of my muscly legs can go rest easy knowing that i still veet and my legs are silky smooth at the moment) and i pull.
AND IT CB HURTS.
so i try peeling it off SLOOOOWLY.
problem is i was very smart and i had stuck on like all 10 strips on my leg.
so i had to peel everything SLOOOOOOWLY.
my leg was coated with wax and it is damn hard to get off let me tell you that i had to put talcum powder, milk, soap, tissue, sunblock, lotion, baby oil and all sorts of things before it came off. half of those things weren't effective at all and just made it worse =_=
my maid came in was like
WTF THATS NOT HOW YOU DO IT.
then she sat down next to me and started ripping everything off.
like very fun like that.
i was crying.
8. Bario motorbike incident
way back in 05 /06, emma and i were in bario.
i had already known how to ride a bike, cos daddy dearest taught me in kch.
so i decided to share my knowledge and teach cousin dearest, emma.
going at the amazing speed of 15 km/h, i "crashed" through a patch of serai and managed to hit a papaya tree (you know how small a papaya tree's trunk is right? yup i still managed to hit that) and get (very dramatically) "pinned" under the motorbike.
emma and uncle jack were spazzing their eyes out.
GR.
9. Wardrobe distraction incident
k since i just told about major Fail that i committed where emma laughed, i shall now share emma's Fail where i laughed :D
(i like these stories best) (cept they're rarer. DAMN YOU RURAN)
we were sitting in a room having this veryVERY topsecret conversation when my aunt suddenly burst through the unlocked (yes very smart of us right) door and was like EH WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT I THINK I HEARD SOME OF THAT FALALALALa.
so emma decided to distract her (least that's what she later told me =_=)
she stood up,
turned to her left,
and walked
full-speed
...
into a wardrobe.
she was in PAIN. LOL.
apparently it had seemed like a good idea at the time.
my aunt and i were laughing til i cried hahah.
well it was a very effective distraction, i'll give you that la emma.
10. THIS.
HAHAH
makes me feel better about my Fails every time.
